Author: ballrebecca03@gmail.com

Most of us had this assignment in High School-Make a list of things you’d like to do, places you’d like to see, or goals you’d set for yourself that you’d like to see come to fruition.

Most of them included things like get married, graduating college, travel the world,or start a family. Mine was always very literal. In high school it was hard for me to dream outside of high school. I remember mine read more like, graduating high school, finding a job I liked, looking into classes I wanted to take for college, spend more time in Ohio with my siblings, get more comfortable driving in longer distances.

Then in college, which I started later after I graduated high school, we had the assignment again-which stipulations. You couldn’t right in you wanted to travel to Paris, China and Guam. It would be listed as travel. You couldn’t write in graduate college with my associate degree, bachelor degree comma Master’s Degree, or pH.D It would be listed at complete college. There was no ‘padding’ for this assignment and I love those assignments. Because I like challenging myself to know what my goals really were. I remember her a lot of what was on this list because thankfully I completed most of them. I wanted to complete college, I wanted to do work with children in therapy at school, at home, on telehealth. I wanted to be a versatile mental health provider so a person could do adequate therapy if they couldn’t get into an office. I wanted to have kids. A husband at this time was not on my agenda. But later, falling in love, was. I wanted to have a loving relationship with the Lord and I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be the person that my Mother who was struggling with stage 4 COPD at the time, needed. I felt the calling to be a wonder woman, and didn’t slink away from that responsibility. It sounded easy in theory, but as I feel those goals are completed now, I work on those things each day to nurture them and care for them.

Now I make my own “goal lists” to keep me on track when life becomes hectic and I feel unmotivated to do more than I have done to this point. This includes caring for my health, sometimes even with the most unrealistic expectations. Be an ongoing cheerleader for my daughters. Have grandchildren that I can help love and care for. Nurturing my marriage from 2021. Continue to paint, take pictures and write to be able to use every avenue possible to be expressive and artistic. Continue to learn everything I can because as cliche as it sounds, I feel like education is the greatest thing we can have. Continue growing closer in my faith and in my personal relationship with the Lord. Helping out those who are less fortunate. Continuing to do good and solid work in environments where I can keep people safe and protected from less than favorable living environments like my siblings and I had. If my life had a logo line I would want it to read, “Making a positive difference in this world.”

My husband asked me once why I wasn’t content in my life exactly where it is now. And it is. I am content with things that I have done in my existence, And it’s not that the foundation my life is on isn’t enough, but I will always want to do. I want to help people. I want to find new ways I I can contribute to society. I want to grow and explore and learn. Those parts of me will never be stopped because I don’t want them to be.

Something I realized in my lifetime is that we are all on a time line. We are all guaranteed to have a birth date and a death date. And the mark that separates those two dates is the time we have to live. And a lot of people do not do that at all, which I find unfortunate. Live your life and make it count.

There is something about the ocean. It’s always been a spiritual thing for me, not just a pretty place to take a vacation. When I am there, I wonder how people can see places like this…and not believe in a higher power? I feel God there. And I always have.

My Momma always wanted to see the ocean. But with her health problems, a long trip like this wasn’t something that we could do. But ever since my first trip to the beach at twenty-three, I felt the ocean connected us. Especially now that she is in Heaven–I can picture her walking alongside the waves that crash on the shore.

And the palm trees that I love so, so much are the perfect accessory to Earth’s most beautiful outfit.

-Love and Light

I can’t take the credit for this, but I read it once and it stayed with me all this time.

What is a six-second kiss? Simply put it is a kiss that lasts at least six seconds. With a twenty second hug or a six second kiss, both parties are secreting oxytocin, that creates a sense of psychological safety and connection.

The more you know. <3

-Love and Light

I never in all of my life thought the word “vain” would fall under the long list of things that I am. Unfortunately, there it is.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand people who had cosmetic surgery, did Botox, spent hundred of on hair and make-up, or got their nails done every week. I actually saw people like that and thought, “yuck!” It was sinful in my opinion, when I would hear about people getting tummy tucks becuase they had enough money to do it….if they dipped into their savings.

I am not vain to this point. But now I have changed my point of view to, hey it you have the resources and it makes you feel better about yourself, do it to it. I have thought about Botox only once, and that was for migraine purposes. Im not thrilled about these lines in my face, but I have earned every one of them. And luckily, the deepest ones are laugh lines.

I do some things to change little parts of myself. Gray hairs want to visit me, then I have BOXES of hair dye under my bathroom sink. I have some nails that I may put on for a few days if I have a meeting or something that I need to dress up for, but as a therapist those have to come off soon so I can actually type. Sun spots? No ma’am, my dermotogist already knows those can’t live with or on me. Gym time is nuts sometimes because I go too hard on my legs (my thighs are not my pals) and my tummy (Thank you again, steriods). And make-up lives in my home for the days that I need it.

People have often said that I worry too much about my appearance because I want to make my husband happy and I want him to be attracted to me and be proud when we are seen out in public. All that is true. But he isn’t the main reason. I want to be proud when I am out with anyone. I want my children to think they have a pretty mama. Mostly I want to look in the mirror and say to myself, “looking good, girl.” It’s been a very long time since I have been able to do that.

So, as I have gotten older I no longer pass judgement on those people that choose to live in a salon or opt to get cosmetic surgery. I have decided after years of consideration that just isn’t for me. I have decided to grow older gracefully, and proudly because a lot of people don’t make it to the age I am now. Yes, my health makes me a little chubby (again, steriods….grrrr), life makes my hair have silver streaks (thank you again, Revlon) and having a life filled with laughter caused a few wrinkles, and I will cherish those. And As I continue to save money, the tummy tucks could come….but I’ll just keep that money in savings to make more memories that will cause deeper laugh lines in the future.

-Love and Light

Hi! My name is Rebecca and I am sick. You’d never believe it (most days) if I didn’t tell you, but I have an autoimmune disease. Why are we so quick to think people have to wear their illnesses on the outside before we believe that they are significant enough to care about? I know the unspoken thing is, that the millions of us in this commuinty want to be heard and we need compassion. As confused as you may be looking at us from the outside, we are just as equally confused on the inside. We don’t understand why our bodies went crazy….we just know that they did.

For those of you who don’t know what the term autoimmune is, it basically means that our bodies fight against us by the way of attacking it’s healthy tissues and organs. Sounds fun, right? I’m actually quite lucky in my dignosis because I really do mean that most days you’d never know I was struggling with something if I didn’t tell you. Only on my worst flare up days, would I ever dare to let you know that I was in any pain.

In my early twenties I was in a car accident. A very bad wreck where it was nothing but God that kept me alive. In fact I walked away from it….to an ambulance who insisted I get checked out. I had bruising, a small fracture in my knee, and a concussion. My friend with me at the time walked away with only some bruising and a few burn marks from the air bag.

A few years from that accident I was still having pain in my leg. A doctor told me he believed that my knee didn’t heal properly, and that was causing the pain. That didn’t seem to make sense considering the pain wasn’t consistent and sometimes it would tingle like when a person’s foot goes to sleep. But, I wasn’t a medical professional so I said, “Okay,” and would continue to get a second opinion.

Seven years of testing and being made to feel like an absolute lunatic, an eye doctor told me, “I see something in your optic nerve.” Never would I have thought that my discharge papers would have read: Digonsis-Multiple Sclerosis. I was thirty-five, I had a seven year old and a ten month old daughter, and my life felt like it got flipped upside down.

Over the course of the next couple of years I still fought with this diagnosis. If it was there, fine, we’ll deal with it, but some doctors said, “lesions are located in the wrong places on my c-spine and in my brain for that dignosis.” I second opinioned myself long enough and I needed treatment no matter the issue. Lesions are now “in the right places” but I’m fortunate that I don’t have many considering that everybody has some.

In 2017 I had two of disks in my cervical spine removed because I had a nerve that was compressed. A year later, I was in pain again. I tried to active in the gym or by going for walks and hikes, but I couldn’t kick the pain. Nothing was really getting rid of it, there were just days that were better than others. Very recently, within the last ninety days, I found out that the pain I had been having stems from my second autoimmune disease: Ankylosing Spondylitis.

With that being said, these are not a death sentence for me. My MS is not the progressive kind, and frankly I’ll likely have more of an issue with AS because my back isn’t in great shape. Steroids are a part of my life now, which makes me a little chubbier, red and puffy than I’d like to be, but considering how bad it could be, that’s a bee sting. When I do have pain, I have pain. It can get severe, has brought me to tears, and can last for days sometimes. But I also know this community. Many use walkers, wheelchairs, on pain medication everyday, and don’t have the best prognosis. I have bad days, but I have a pretty great life.

Remember that a lot of people have issues you might not know anything about. Mental health issues, physical health issues, etc. We don’t all wear advertisement signs telling the world our issues. So always be kind, try to be listen and be understanding, and maybe sprinkle some compassion when it’s needed.

-Peace and Love

This is a grounding techinque to help reduce anxiety in the present moment and in your immediate environment. I often try to add deep breathing in with this as well. Here’s what you can try when you start feeling anxious.-

*List five things you can see. Say them out loud and describe them.

Take a deep breath, in through your nose, out through your mouth.

*List four thing you can touch. Focus on the sensation of touch; how does the fabric feel of your clothes, the chair your sitting on, etc

Take a deep breath, in through your nose, out through your mouth.

*List three things you can hear. Quiet your mind and focus. Try to notice the small noises you don;t usually pay attention to.

Take a deep breath, in through your nose, out through your mouth.

*List two things you can smell.

Take a deep breath, in through your nose, out through your mouth.

*List one thing you can taste. Maybe you can taste something from breakfast or your toothpaste.

Take a deep breath, in through your nose, out through your mouth.

This works because you are actively training your brain to pull focus from what was upsetting you and focus on the task at hand. This can be repeated as often as needed.

-Love and Light

Five ways to tell if you may have high functioning anxiiety-

1. You super likeable, in fact most people love you. But you tend to people please too much. You find it incredibly difficult to say no.
2. You often obsess over trival things that most people wpildn’t give a second thought about.
3. You beat yourself up over every single mistake you make. When you make a mistake you fear that you’ll continue to make it over and over.
4. You are fully capable to do anything you want. You are able to reach for and achieve your goals. But you often don’t try because you don’t believe in yourself.
5. Your thoughts are consumed, almost always, with the worst case scenario.

It’s awfully hard to have a happy and healthy life with these things weighing you down. Try to work on that. Need tips on how to deal with anxiety? Stay tuned. ..

Let’s be honest here. Some of us did not have the best upbringing. Some of us may have had inconsistent homes, or grew up with inconsistent parenting. This can often make insecure kids. And unfortunately that also often leads to insecure adults. Sometimes they have a hard time finding their place in the world. And some may struggle with finding their place in their own homes.

Some people, myself included, had terrible fathers. So when we think of God as this incredible father, this ultimate, most loving father who will love us unconditionally, it can be hard to fathom. It’s hard to fathom that we have such a loving God that everything bad we’ve ever done can be washed away and forgiven. God can love us unconditionally, yet the father that we have on Earth may have loved you very conditionally, and never lets you out live any mistakes you make.

I am telling you that there is unconditional love out there and that you are worthy of it……just in case you had forgotten.

As a therapist I hear things like, “It’s too late to do XYZ now,” or “If I were younger this is what I’d change in my life,” pretty often. As a human, the thoughts of, “I’m running out of time” scare me to death. Well, I suppose what really scares me is that I’m at the point where my life is half over and that I’ve already lived more days than I have left. Of course there is no way to know this, but let’s assume I live to what the life expectancy is for most people. That’s a hard reality. So I run, as fast as I can, to live as much life as possible until I can’t anymore.

The beautiful thing is that every day that God wakes you up, you have a new opportunity to do XYZ. This gives me motivation to do things that bring me happiness, even if I am doing some of them alone. Life has value and I don’t intend to miss any beautiful moments because I feel “too old” to have them.

I had planned on going to college directly out of high school, but it turned out that I needed to work for awhile before I could enroll. So at twenty-three when most people were graduating, I was starting. After getting my associate degree, I needed to leave school and work and did so until I started my BA program which I didn’t graduate from until I was thirty-one. After I got my Bachelor degree I was right back to work. And it took until I was thirty-nine to earn my M.Ed.

Childern was always in my plan. If everything else in my life fell apart, I knew I wanted kids and I knew I’d be an amazing mother. My upbringing taught me exactly what not to do, so I felt like I’d been in training for children all my life. I had my first daughter at twenty-eight. and my second at thirty-five. I had been told I was a high risk pregnancy with my second because of being in an “advanced age.” At thirty-five, people I graduated with were grandparents or had adult children.

And despite being previously engaged and in a couple of long term relationships, I was forty-one before I ever got married. Most people I knew had been married and divorced at least twice and still wasn’t living happily. That was something you could never deny about me; I didn’t do things I didn’t want to do and I took my time to make sure I was making a good solid decision at the time.

The point is to not allow time to work against you but for you. If you’re not on the same track as everyone else, who cares? Every day, every hour, and each minute that you are alive you have opportunities to create the life you want. It’s not too late, and when it is, you won’t wake up in the morning. Stop complaining about what you don’t have right now and get your butt in motion to work toward what you want.

“How time passes depends on how you move.” Albert Einstein

Abraham Maslow is one of my favorite, if not my favorite, psycologist. If you aren’t familiar with him, he is well known for Maslow’s Hierachy of needs. This is a pyramid that is used to explain human needs from basic needs to the desire to be the best version of yourself possible. Maslow says there are five levels: Physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, Esteem, and self-actualization.

Physiological needs are our basic needs. This would include the things we have to have in order to survive. Air, water, food, shelter, clothing, sleep, and reproduction. Safety needs are exactly that. This includes personal security, employment, rescources, health, and property. Love and belonging falls mid-way through the pyramid, and this is where a lot of people stop “climbing.” This includes friendships, family, intimacy, and a sense of connection. Esteem falls in line next. This is hard for all individuals in my opinion. This is respect, self-esteem, recognition, strength and freedom. Finally, we reach the top. This is the place that everyone wants to get to and has to reach all the other levels to achieve. Self-actualization which is the desire to be the best that one can be.

I first heard of this in college, and it instantly clicked. You start at the bottom level, achieve that level and move up until you’re at the top. Unknowing then how quickly you can fall down a level or even two sometimes, and sometimes that can happen and you have no control over it. For example: you lose your job, your safety needs are hit. If that isn’t replaced soon, your basic physiological needs can also be hurt. Then through no fault of your own, you start at the beginning, climbing the ladder alone and hoping to reach the top.

Most people get to level three/four pretty easily. It becomes a little harder then because then you add in other people. It’s true that the people in your circle can make you or break you. I am lucky to make it to level four most days. Truth be told is I don’t always respect myself and have a hard time feeling like I have a true sense of accomplishment. I am very much a “what if” person. A true coulda, shoulda, woulda soul. That’s at my core, and I tend to fight with that everyday. On the days I win that fight, I climb the ladder and hit self-actualization.

I felt that it was important to share this as it is a visual way for you to see why you may not be feeling safe or accepted, etc. Maybe you need to go down a level and make sure you check all the boxes before you try and climb the ladder again. And that’s okay. Remember, we all started at the bottom and that ladder is meant to be an ongoing traveling one.

-Peace and love